Harry Potter audiobooks - Definitely not a Dung Bomb...

It's been close to three weeks since I finished listening to the audiobooks of the British versions of the Harry Potter books, narrated by Stephen Fry. I still haven't gotten over the experience, and this post is an attempt to get it out of my system. I wouldn't be writing here if I weren't a big Harry Potter fan. I have enjoyed reading the books like all of you, if not like some of you, who have read it a million times. But listening to Stephen Fry narrate every line so beautifully, has only increased my appreciation for the books from a more emotional point of view.

Stephen Fry is a class act. He manages to provide a unique tone to almost every character in the seven books, be it the bossy tone of Hermione, or the dreamy voice of Luna, or the smug tone of Draco. More importantly he accurately brings out the emotion connected with every line in the book. I have to admit, I enjoyed reading the first 4 books more than the last 3, but I loved every line of the last three books when I listened to them, as I was overwhelmed by the emotional content in these books. Therefore it is not surprising that most of my now-favourite moments from the books can be found in the last three. Probably the funniest bit was the Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor in the 6th book.

“. . . but now that big Hufflepuff player’s got the Quaffle from her, I can’t remember his name, it’s something like Bibble — no, Buggins —”

“It’s Cadwallader!” said Professor McGonagall loudly from beside Luna. The crowd laughed.

......

......

Ginny and Demelza scored a goal apiece, giving the red-and-gold-clad supporters below something to cheer about. Then Cadwallader scored again, making things level, but Luna did not seem to have noticed; she appeared singularly uninterested in such mundane things as the score, and kept attempting to draw the crowd’s attention to such things as interestingly shaped clouds and the possibility that Zacharias Smith, who had so far failed to maintain possession of the Quaffle for longer than a minute, was suffering from something called “Loser’s Lurgy.”

“Seventy-forty to Hufflepuff!” barked Professor McGonagall into Luna’s megaphone.

“Is it, already?” said Luna vaguely. “Oh, look! The Gryffindor Keeper’s got hold of one of the Beater’s bats.”

The grace with which Fry shifts between McGonagall, Luna and the narration is fantastic. I have listened to this bit umpteen number of times. Some of the more powerful scenes in the book literally brought me to tears, none more than the one featuring Harry and Dumbledore after they have viewed the complete version of Slughorn's memory (chapter 23 - The Horcruxes.) I just couldn't get enough of the below lines in the end of the chapter, especially when narrated by Fry:

But he understood at last what Dumbledore had been trying to tell him. It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew — and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents — that there was all the difference in the world.

And of course, Harry's bouts with himself, regarding his feelings for Ginny, or the developing romance between Ron and Hermione have been dealt with brilliantly, with the latter deserving a separate post. I have never been appealed or been touched by the representation of emotions, more particularly those concerning love and sorrow, in books in general. To a good extent, same has been the case with the Harry Potter books. The fact that Ron and Hermione end up together, didn't make much of a difference to me when I originally read the books. But listening to the audiobooks helped me catch hints that went previously unnoticed by me. I was particularly impressed by how Fry surprised by me pointing out hints hints laid out by JKR in the first three books. The ones that caught my attention the most were:

Chapter 1:

Hermione had sunk to the floor in fright; Ron pulled out his own wand — not knowing what he was going to do he heard himself cry the first spell that came into his head: “Wingardium Leviosa!”

Chapter 3:

It was dusk, and Ron and Hermione had just turned up in the common room, pink-faced from the cold wind and looking as though they’d had the time of their lives.

Chapter 5:

“What do you think about this?” Hermione demanded of Ron, and Harry was reminded irresistibly of Mrs. Weasley appealing to her husband during Harry’s first dinner in Grimmauld Place.

Of course, there is also the more obvious "perfume" moment in Book 5. But my point is about how delicately Fry appears to stress on these little things cleverly laid out by the author. Needless to say, the chapter on Snape's memories served as a fitting conclusion to the masterclass of a character that was Severus Snape. Snape's worst memory was his worst, not because he was preyed upon by James and Sirius, as it was made to believe in the 5th book, but because he had insulted the only person he had sincerely loved, by needlessly calling her aMudblood. I am only more in awe of Snape and JKR than ever before.

I highly recommend the audiobooks to any one who has enjoyed reading the books. The books are available on Amazon for a princely sum. Make sure you get the Audible format (.m4b file) as they not only contain chapter-based skip-points but also have chapter art (interestingly from the Scholastic version of the books.)

Those who prefer to look beyond the legal boundaries, this should act as a good source. The .m4b files are playable on iPod, iTunes, Quicktime and VLC media player. The chapter and the Chapter art feature however, function only on iPod, iTunes and Quicktime.

THe Making of a Master Spy II

"It iss true, isss it not, that the old fool hasss approached you" , asked the Dark Lord. "Yes my Lord." said Severus. It was no secret after all that Albus Dumbledore retained some hope that Severus would reddem himself and turn back to the light. He had approached Severus several times, going as far as to offer him a job at Hogwarts.Severus thought it was guilt, at the werewolf having almost killed him at school.Severus cared very little about that these days. werewolves were small fry compared to some of the other things he associated with these days.He'd seen and done far worse himself.The only value that the incident had for him was as another reason to hate the Black-Potter coterie.

But Voldemort was continuing"Nexsst time I want you to take him up on hisss offer." "You want me to spy on him my Lord?" "Precisssely. I need sssomeone sstrong enough to keep Dumbledore out of their mindsss, and you are one of the few capable of that. You shall go to him a penitent and reformed man....spill your tale of woe... swear revenge on me, until the day you die... and worm your way into his deepest sssecrestsss and bring them back to me."

Snape returned to the house which he shared with Regulus. The young Black it seemd was not back yet. All the better then; Severus plotted best when left to himself.

He realised that he could not simple run to Dumbledore. He would have to set things up carefully, so that Dumbledore would welcome him with open arms when the time came. It had to be the ultimate sting operation .Severus decided that he would enjoy himself after all.

He carefully composed a letter to Dumbledore :an application for the position of Professor for the Defense Against Dark Arts. He already knew that the last Professor had left just before the year end... a sudden case of Dragon Pox had left him debilitated and unable to return. Rumour had it that the position had been cursed by the Dark Lord himself, when Dumbledore had refused it to him. Voldemort neither denied nor confirmed these rumours, not even to his most faithful followers...they simply added to the aura of fear that surrounded him.

Regulus returned shortly after dinner, by which time Severus was already working on a new potion, a variation on Veritaserum that caused great pain if the person tried to evade the truth...small improvements that went a long way in establishind his reputation. As a result he was preoccupied and barely noticed that his protege seemed at once shaken and thirilled. The words "cliff... cave... basin...locket..." barely registered. Only on looking up from his work ,nearly twenty minutes later did Severus notice that Black was still sopping wet, and with an irritated scowl sent him off to change and then eat whatever was left over from dinner.

Over the next few days Severus was busy with preparing the groundwork to meet Dumbledore. He let it out, in a small pub in Knockturn Alley, just loud enough for Mundungus Fletcher at the next table to hear, that he was growing increasingly disillusioned by Voldemort's activities. "He's killing as many Pure-bloods as Muggle-borns", he said to Wilkes(who had been let in on the plot, and sat with his head covered so as not to be recognised ) "At this rate there won't be any wizards left in a few years."Wilkes nodded sympathetically. From the brightening in Fltcher's eyes and the hurry in which he left the premises, Snape knew the bait had been taken. The order it seemed was desperate for a spy in Voldemort's ranks.They'd tried before...but the lifetime of a spy was not long under the nose of the Dark Lord and the early examples swiftly discouraged others. As expected in a few days he received an Owl from Dumbledore giving him an appointment at the Hog's Head for 4:30, on Friday.

As a result ofhis own activity Severus failed to note that Regulus was acting rather strangely. He'd never been a very studious boy, but now he was spending almost all his time buried in books. He'd even returned to Grimmauld Place to pick up some more books on the Dark Arts. Severus was pleased though. He took it to mean that his own bookishness was rubbing on to the boy. Perhaps Regulus had at last seen that knowledge was the way to power.

And now, for something completely Picturesque ;)

Being the first pic-post of this blog, I m attaching some scans from a magazine, that is not available in India for sure.

Next time I shall try posting cartoons of HP...;)

Also...

********HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO********
J K ROWLING,
HARRY POTTER,
AND NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM ;)

Pic 1: The 4 Champions..



Pic 2: First look at Cho Chang or Katie Leung: (Pretty isn't she?)


Enjoy..:D

A Song for the Weasleys..by The Rowling Stones

It is done Finally!
The first "original" song of The Rowling Stones - The Weasley Family

Those having great connction speed can download the song from here.

The rest, sing along the tune of The Addams Family Theme Song.

The Grumpy and The Plumpy,
The Haughty and The Naughty,
They're altogether sporty,
The Weasley Family.

The family is so huge,
Even Laloo will take refuge.
A thrill you cannot refuse,
The Weasley Family.

The shop aint a museum,
You must get there to see'em.
The Twins are such a Scream,
In the Weasley family.

Now Charles works with the dragons,
And Ron loves Chudley Cannons,
All they lack is Knuts and Galleons,
The Weasley Family.

Now Ginny is a Good Chaser,
Although she loves a seeker,
With Phlegm to accompany her,
In the Weasley family.

Molly's loaded with Despair,
And Arthur has got no hair.
The two are one great pair,
The Weasley Family.

Oh Bill hears wedding bells,
And Percy's working in Hell,
They're all now in a nutshell,
The Weasley family!

For those who couldn't stand the advertisement from WWW and the commentary and the voice...I M VERY SORRY....IT WAS MINE....Plz co-operate..I couldn't find a better voice. I had to teach Arjun Balaji...LCM and HCF for 2 hours (for his GRE prep)....believe me....and Linear equations in one variable, for 1 and half hours. Understand my plight. :(

The Making of a Master Spy

A (palusible?) theory of how Snape became a spy, R.A.B,and the Hocruxes)PS I ahven't decided whether I want Snape to become Good or stay Bad.
Uh...this is a bit long....


Severus Snape feverishly stirred the cauldron...this was his 19th try(though it felt more like 1900) at a potion that was looking more and more like impossible at this point, but the thought of the reward that the Dark Lord would give him if he succeded (and more importantly the punishment if he failed), drove him back to his cauldron again and again.

Regulus Balck watched him bemusedly.He'd been placed under Severus to be taught and to assist. Protected by his family name, Regulus had not been asked to do anything significantly dangerous for the Dark Lord...yet.He was still young, barely out of school,innocent...well , as innocent as any Death Eater was likely to be ,anyway. Snape rather envied his innocence ,but caught himself, and sneered and called it ignorance instead.

Snape had himself risen quicckly in the ranks of the Death Eaters, being one of the few possessed with half a brain, and some ingenuity. Besides the similarity in their backgrounds had moved the Dark Lord (sympathy?) It was much needed balm for Severus's scarred soul. And he'd bloomed under the praise, and done unthinkable things. Oh he'd experimented with Dark Magic before, but he'd always drawn the line between knowing and doing. Perhaps it was ethics, but it was more probably a strong sense of self-preservation-the knowledge that to be caught doing Dark Magic within the premises of Hogwarts would mean instant expulsion. So he bore the insults coolly( or as coolly as he could) and bided his time, until he found the favour of a stronger protector...and then struck back...he cursed Potter ,Black,Lupin,Pettigrew...all from under the black mask.

And all along he'd never stopped learning, or inventing.He learnt Occlumency and Legilimency among other things from the Dark Lord himself. It had pleased to Lord greatly to have such an able and willing student. And had pleased him even more when Snape's Occlumency proved a match for Voldemort's and then the student in an expression submission and servitude had opened all his mind to the Dark Lord's perusal, and proved his loyalty to his lord.

And he'd been given harder and harder assignments, which he'd been proud to complete, but this...this was going to be the making(or breaking) of him, and Voldemort was growing impatient.

The potion was essesnce of Dementor. All of Voldemort's effortshad not yet pulled those dark beings to their side, though it seemed that they were natural allies indeed. But it seemed that the prisoners provided by the ministry(which included nearly as many innocents as Dark Wizards), were proving enough to ensure their loyalty to the ministry ...for now.But the potion the Dark Lord wanted to create was a truly terrifying thing...it would turn a person into a dementor...robbing them of their soul...while leaving their body intact. He' d found vague references to such a thing, in ancient books on the Dark Arts ,where the first appearences of Dementors were recorded, undoubtedly picked up on his travels around the world, in his quest for immortality.And Severus Snape,his most competent Potions Master was the person most capable of recreating it.

The Dark Lord wanted but a single cauldronful, in any case Snape did not think he could manage more. The ingredients were hideously expensive and difficult to get, the potion required him to monitor it at all hours of the day practically everyday...he did not think he could make it more than once in his lifetime.This time though it looked like success.If only...just a little longer....and the potion settled down giving off an odd green light, which reminded him of the Killing Curse."Rat" said Severus. A rat was promptly placed in his hands. Severus silently approved. Regulus, unlike his brother was capable of following orders.He also knoew when to speak and more importantly, when not to.He was an...adequate... assistant.

The rat's mouth was forced open and a single drop of potion placed in its mouth. For a few moments there was silence.Then, the rat began to twitch, then squeak frantically, as though in great terror, then, as Severus watched in satisfaction, its lmbs began to fail. The light in its eyes went out. And then the vermin was on its feet again. And Severus became aware of a familiar coldness steal upon him. He'd met Dementors before and knew what teh feeling was of course. It seemed that his potion was a complete success. The Dark Lord would be pleased. Still, it would not do to go to him with half-baked results.So he continued testing, on rats and cats and dogs, and found that the larger and more intelligent the creature, the longer the potion took to act. It did act though, whatever the dosage.Whether a drop or a spoonful,the results were eventually the same. A smaller dose just meant it would take more time that's all.

The tests were completed in a weeks time, and at the next Death Eater's meeting Severus(and his assistant Regulus) was pleased to present the Dark Lord with yet another successfully completed assignment. "Exssssscellent" hissed the Dark Lord, and Severus saw Bellatrix Lestrange's eyes narrow with jealousy. She was proudly and openly a Death Eater. Personally, Severus thought that her fearlessness was a product of madness more than anything else. That and inbreeding possibly, he sneered through his mask.

Then to his annoyance, Lord Voldemort beckoned the crazy harpy to him"You know what thisss musssst protect" , he said and she nodded , looking like the cat that ate the canary, and glared triumphantly at him. Severus rolled his eyes,but lowered his head to hide his action. He didn't know wjat the Dark Lord intended to do with the potion, and was quite happy not knowing, unlike Bellatrix.

"Ssssseverusss ssssstay, we have sssssomething new for you to do, that will hnour you above all otherssss"

Severus enjoyed the way Bellatrix stiffened at the Dark Lord's words, and said serenely, "I would be honoured to serve in any way I can my Lord."

"Bella, go on, and take your cousssin with you.Ssseverus and I have much to disscusss."

Rejected chapters from Book 7...Part Two

AN UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL

It was a cold and misty afternoon in London. Alice was playing with her 2 month old nephew Pierce Gaunt. She had adopted him the previous night at her sister's request, who feared for the safety of her child after her husband and her father-in-law, Sean and Roger Gaunt had been found dead in their offices at the Ministry of Magic. Mysterious events had shaken the Gaunt family in the past few days. The wizarding world had immense respect for Roger Gaunt, ever since he set out to set his family's horrible record straight. His father and grandfather had served terms at Azkaban, and Morphin, Roger's father was a known Muggle hater.

As Alice stepped over to pick up Pierce, she felt a sudden pull in her abdomen. The time had come. Mr. and Mrs.Longbottom along with their son Frank rushed Alice to the maternity ward of a nearby hospital, while Pierce was left with the house caretaker. After an ordeal that lasted a little less than two hours, Alice had given birth to a boy. Mrs. Longbottom was overjoyed on hearing the news. She decided to call the boy Neville, after her husband Neville Longbottom. And thus, Neville Longbottom was born on the 31st of July, to Frank and Alice Longbottom.

On returning home, Frank face turned pale. The housekeeper was lying unconscious on the floor. Pierce was missing. Frank immediately rushed to the police. He had to use the taxi as he didn't want to apparate and cause suspicion. Inspector James Carrey was a no-nonsense policeman. He couldn't tolerate the fact that a crime had occured in his county.

"I WANT THE COUNTY SEARCHED IMMEDIATELY! SEE TO THAT PIERCE GAUNT IS RETURNED TO HIS GAURDIANS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!" yelled Carrey as he ordered his Junior Officers to begin the search for the missing baby.

* * *

Somewhere in Surrey on the same day in the midnight, in a place called St. Doctor Dre's Orphanage, Miss Ogilvy was woken up by the ringing of the doorbell. The moment she unlocked the door, a tall stranger barged in taking Miss Ogilvy completely by surprise.

"I heard your orphanage has a baby shortage." said the stranger.

"Well yes," said Miss Ogilvy, "..ever since Margaret Thatcher announced the contraception laws, A large number couples have begun to adopt babies. I thought I could make a lot of money from that. but unfortunately, I am running short of babies you see. By the way, how did you know that I had a baby shortage?"

"That is not important!" whispered the stranger."How much would you pay for this two month old child?"

"Hmm, let us see. He appears to be too big for a 2 month old baby..are you sure he really is two months old?"

"Do you want the baby or not?" asked the stranger, this time being slightly louder.

"Well don't get worked up! I think 300 pounds will be perfect." said Miss Ogilvy.

"Done! Now Show Me The Money!", exclaimed the stranger.

"Interesting...that line also features in the Tom Cruise movie Jerry Maguire, which will be released in ten years from now...'Show Me the Money'....Interesting indeed.."

"Listen Lady! Nobody asked for that useless bit of information! Where is my money?" shouted the stranger.

"Well, don't blame me for it. Blame that fool of a writer called Adithya who was jobless enough to include that line twice for me. Let me tell you, I myself feel like a fool everytime I utter that statement! As for your money, here it is!" said Miss Ogilvy as she took out three hundred pound notes out of a drawer.

"Thank You, and God bless you Ma'am" said the stranger as he stepped out of the orphanage.

"You are always welcome with more new born babies Sir. May know your name?"asked Miss Ogilvy.

"Mathers....Marshall Mathers", said the stranger.

"Thank You for visiting St. Doctor Dre's orphanage Mr.Mathers."

"Oh ma'am, I would do anything for my mentor Doctor Dre." said the man as he vanished into the misty night outside.

Miss Ogilvy took the baby and placed him into a cradle in one of the rooms. Little did she know that the very next day a couple from No 4 Privet Drive would come and adopt that very baby. Little did the world know that on that very night of the 31st of July, a couple at Godric's Hollow was celebrating the birth of their child Harry.

Rejected chapters from Book 7...Part One

CELEBRATION AT THE DURSLEYS'

It was an evening in the year 1986. A couple was returning from a Hospital with the wife clearly in tears. Petunia had had a miscarriage and Vernon was trying his best to console her. Vernon himself was in was saddened by this unfortunate incident, and was only trying to suppress his emotions in trying to make Petunia feel better. Petunia and Vernon had always dreamed of having a son, especially Vernon, who wanted his son to become a member of the House of Lords. Alas! It was not to be.

So, with immense sorrow, Vernon was driving back to Privet Drive when he suddenly noticed a sign on the wall on a building they had passed by. It was titled "St. Doctor Dre Orphanage". An idea struck him immediately, pretty quick for slow thinker like him. He brought the car to a screeching halt and told Petunia his idea. Petunia agreed instantly.

They rushed to the orphanage and found Miss. Ogilvy, caretaker of the orphanage. Miss Ogilvy was quite huge a woman in her fifties, with specacles that were out of proportion with her body size.

"We wish to adopt a baby boy", said Vernon.

"Well...as of now we have only one of them...too much of demand you see...with Margaret Thatcher being so stringent on the contraception laws..people are preferring to adoption to conception."

"We are not bothered about that!!", shouted Vernon, "Show me the baby!!"

"Well doesn't it sound like the dialogue from Jerry Maguire, which will be released in 10 years time...what was the dialogue....'Show me the money'....aah yes."

"I Say You Better Show Us The Baby Now!", yelled Petunia.

"No need to shout for that...Follow me." said Miss Ogilvy, as she led them to a room.

In the room, was a baby boy fast asleep. According to Miss Ogilvy he was 2 months old, but he looked like he was two years old! The Dursleys joy knew no bounds as they thought his eyes resembled those of Vernon's and his face resembled that of Petunia.

"Well...I say we must get the required papers ready as soon as possible...for you see we the demand is very high.." said Miss Ogilvy as she gave them a printed document contianing the list of formalities to be completed.

Two days later, A huge party was hosted by The Dursleys to celebrate the birth of their son Dudley Dursley. Petunia had wanted to name him Maverick...after Tom Cruise's role in Top Gun, while Vernon wanted to name him Vito after Marlon Brando in the Godfather. In the end Dudley was the name given, chosen by Marge Dursley, Vernon's sister. Dudley, by the way, was the name of Marge's first ever dog.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Dung Bombs for Joanne

Sometime in 1997, a year Indians would only remember as the 50th Anniversary of India's Indpendence, a book was released by an obscure publishing house called Bloomsbury. The book was titled Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, written by one Joanne Kathleen Rowling or simply J K Rowling. The author had no past record of literary achievement, unless you included a book called Rabbit that was about a rabbit!

Little did the world know that Harry Potter's world would transcend into the minds of millions of people, children and adults alike, triggering a thinking process in their brains(hitherto unused..). This thinking process grew more and more with the release of newer books on HP. And now, with the release of Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince, a lot of existing theories on the characters in the books, have been quashed, only to give rise to newer ones, some of which were declared by Mugglenet's Emerson as delusional.

Now, most of the theories are based on only the important characters of the book. What this blog attempts to do is to create bigger and weirder theories based on the Harry Potter characters, with the aim of providing "explanation" to some of the doubts that the readers might have, with a whole lot of entertainment!A brainchild of Hari Potter and AdiRulz, this blog shall deliver what Joanne Rowling can only call Dung Bombs!

For logical and sane theories you can visit Hari Potter's blog.